when humble pie is on the menu...for breakfast

This morning at 9:03 I backed our new van into a telephone pole. 

Today was day six of owning this beautiful vehicle, a vehicle so new and fresh in our home that it has not been registered (or blogged about!). I immediately did what I imagine every self-respecting-and-insanely-tired woman would do- I called my husband and bawled my eyes out, trying to breathe and cry between each word. 

"I...just...backed...the...van...into...a...telephone pole!"

My husband calmed me down, reassured me that life would be OK. When I tried to emphatically remind him that this van was NEW, he replied with a single word that spoke volumes.

"So?"

"But it's....our new....van...I'm...so....sorry!" Sob, sob, sob. 

"It's fine, babe. Not a big deal."

I proceeded to drive to Walmart (um- did I mention that the telephone pole was directly behind my driveway in my alley? Yeah- makes it even less sympathetic and more pathetic.)

 Ella asked, "Mom, why are you crying?"

"Because I put a bump in the car."

"Oh, that's OK," was her happy reply. 

I sighed. Shook my head. Kept driving. I imagined how mortified I would be when people saw the car. When the fact that the bumper was popped out of the frame had to be explained. When we had to find out how much my distracted backing up was going to cost us (um...did I mention that this awesome new vehicle actually has a back-up camera? My patheticness grows with every detail.)

As we left the car and walked toward Walmart, my hand bobbed up and down as Ella skipped happily.

"What are you so happy about?" I asked her.

"I found my blankie!" she beamed up at me. The girl does have a somewhat rocky relationship with her blankie. She loves it so much that it needs to travel the house with her, but then, alas, is hard to locate when she needs it the very most: bedtime. Many tears have been shed because it's time for sleep and the blanket is MIA.

In the moment it struck me how value is relative; Ella prized a smelly blanket with the same admiration and attachment that I had to my mini van.

Later as I thought about that moment, I wondered if God looked down at me as I looked at Ella. As I shed tears for a vehicle, it occurred to me that this van matters little to God; in fact, it probably only matters to Him because it matters to me. 

And should it really matter to me so much?

I thought about that on the ride home. As a family, we try not to get too attached to things. We describe ourselves casually as "we're just not stuff people." I don't think it's the actual damage of the vehicle that bothered me; I wouldn't have cried if someone else hit it or if Garrett had backed it into the telephone pole. I think I was upset because it made me feel irresponsible, like I couldn't be trusted with something nice. (Interestingly enough- as a 2 on the enneagram, my personality finds it's worth in being useful. So my usefulness, or level of responsibility, is directly correlated to my worth.)

And let's face it, in this venture of trying to run a home, homeschool a herd, and live some sort of life in the midst of that, I don't want to face the reality that I make a lot of mistakes. Though this is evident to my kids and my husband and my friends who I really talk with, I don't want someone to look at my van and know it!  It was funny for me to realize that after all my supposed efforts on this blog to alleviate pressure and embrace grace, there's are still parts of me that want to do that in minimal ways.

"Well, I can embrace grace because I don't need it that much."

"I'm not afraid to admit my mistakes since I make so few of them."

"I don't mind asking forgiveness when I need it just a few times a year."

Hogwash. All of it.  I don't need a canteen of grace to sip at through the day; I need a river to float me through the swamp of my life. 

Amen. (I know...I just amen-ed myself but I was really feelin' it.)

When all was said and done, the bumper was pretty forgiving. 

And my husband was so awesome.

I took a picture of it because 1-I figured I would blog about it and there has been some grumbling about the lack of pictures, and because 2) someday it might be funny. I think we'll try to get it fixed soon; but until then it will serve as a reminder that it is just stuff and that driving deserves a little attention. 

I also find it a little pathetic that in the best picture that has been taken of me in a LONG time, I am posing with my mini van. Oh, brother. 


I'd also like to take this opportunity to recommend scarves as a natural way to edit out double chins. Just sayin'.


Guess that's all for tonight. Hope your week finds you celebrating grace and not denying your need of it. 


It's a regular celebration around here. 

quick 5

Well, hello there. 


Fancy meeting you here. You come here often?


Me? Oh, just on Fridays mostly. 


1. Sometimes the pace of life catches up with you in funny ways that make you feel like you don't want to be you anymore. I'm not usually one to dread mornings; in fact, I like to lay in bed awake and just drink them in. But lately I've had the feeling of wanting to pull the covers over my head and call in sick. A few years back I would have experienced that and thought I was a terrible mom, wife, person. Now I experience that and realize this is my subconscious saying to me, "Hey, you! You there, with the busy thing going on. Could you sit still a few days so we can process things in here a little?" My soul needs a breather. My kids need to just be home. My laundry needs due attention. These are the things I have been thinking this week. So after a chat with the hubs, we are declaring next week SLOW-MO. That's right. Slow motion around here. Not so much running around and a lot more sitting around. Looking forward to it.


2. I had a birthday last week, and upon such birthday I am now 31. There were lots of fun things about said birthday, but one that has lingered in my mind. I have a friend who wrote me a letter. By hand. On stationery. Telling me how awesome I look in hats (that is not true as I look terrible in hats. Seriously. Somehow the placing of a hat on my head makes my face look stop-sign shaped. For real, peeps. ) It was just so encouraging and thoughtful and like her to do that for me. It meant a lot to be thought of. 


3. In similar fashion, my sister sent me a Hunger Games companion guide with a gazillion pictures and interviews. I can neither confirm nor deny the rumor that I have read it cover to cover. She wrote, "I wanted to buy you something you would want but wouldn't buy for yourself." I was all like, "Whatever- I would buy that." Husband was all like, "That's awesome. She is exactly right." And then I was all like, "Yeah. I guess she is."  (And then I was all like "So how do you feel about Hunger Games posters in our bedroom?" and then husband was like, "That's good because I've been thinking of some posters for our room..." and that's when I stopped. Because he will win this game. Oh yes, he will win.)


I don't know why I wrote that last paragraph in such fashion. I apologize.


4. Two developments in the life of baby Tessa: 1- sleeping a 13 hour night (do you hear the hallelujah chorus in background? maybe it's just me) 2- rejecting baby food. Yep- at 7.5 months she wants the real stuff. The fact that she it still toothless complicates things a bit but we are pressing on. 


5. On Wednesday I saw this bumper sticker:


 



At first I thought it was just a joke, but then I started thinking that it wouldn't be such a bad idea. At least we'd know what we're getting, right? 


So then as I looked into it, I discovered that there is actually a website with more organization than Occupy Wall Street. Apparently should Lord Vader enter the race, he would run on a platform of...

• Total commitment in the War on Terror
• Smaller Government
• Reduced Taxation
• Ethical Use of Biotechnology
• Strong Defence

Hmmm...

Well, since we have a little time left, I'll take some questions:

Q: How was Pi night at VI?

Me: Awesome. Thanks for asking.

Q: What's with the lack of pictures on here lately?

A: My camera is full so...

Q: You don't know how to delete pictures? Is that really your excuse?

A: (taken aback) Well, I just haven't really done anything about that but I will-

Q: How long do you really expect people to keep reading without pictures? I mean, seriously?

A: Hey now, most great writing doesn't have pictures at all so-

Q: Great writing? You call this great writing? You used the word 'like' five times in your third paragraph.

A: I was creating a voice.

Q: Yeah, a stupid voice. 

A: Well, that is your opinion.

Q: Seeing as you only have fourteen followers, my opinion makes up 7% of your readership. 

A: Oh, brother. Who let this yahoo in?

Well, that went... well.

Catch you later!

that we might be one

Last night I was part of a lovely gathering with some friends as we talked about what it means to be one just as Christ and the Father are one (see John 17).

We laughed.

We ate turtle pie.

We drank coffee or Coronas or both.

We laughed a lot more.

Sometimes when we think about the Body of Christ, I think we misinterpret oneness as 'sameness': we try to all be alike so we can be one. But I don't think that conformity is the same as oneness.

As I try to sum up our time and write some notes (a job I am forever banished from in the future as I mostly forgot to write anything down all night) I stumbled upon this thought:

that being one is not the sacrificing of our individuality but it is the commitment to not live individually. It is the full-out abandonment of our own selfishness and the total embracing of seeking the Kingdom together.

That's about it. Being one. I deeply hope that you have someone who is a fellow seeker with you and  you are on the journey to oneness together.

quick 5

It's still Friday so this quick 5 may just make it out before the day ends. I think you will find this quick 5 wiser and wittier than prior quick 5's because I am a year wiser and wittier. That's right- this is the first quick 5 of being 31. Bring it on. 


1.  There's a very big event coming in the next week. It's one of those times when the stars align, when two paths cross, when Dr. Pepper meets buttered popcorn. Important moments in history when you will tell your grand kids "When that happened, I was __________."  Next week is March 14, also known as 3-14. Or 3.14. Pi!  AND it is also a Wednesday which means...

+  

So on the day of Pi you can get free pie. Being one to celebrate these special occasions, I already have plans to chat the night away with my good friend, Teresa, who loves pie as much as I do. 

Me:Do you want to go to pie-

Teresa: Yes.

Me: Does it work for you on-

Teresa: Yes.

Me: Can I just get out a-

Teresa: Why are we not eating pie yet?

Yep, that's how it goes. 

And when it comes to pie, I tend to agree with the Circumference that 2 pi r better than one. (Just a little math humor. Bet you didn't expect this new age to sharpen my math wit so much. Oh yeah.)

2. We have been filling in this week as house parents at one of the Release Ministries homes. It's been several years since we lived at the boys homes, so this week at the girls home was interesting. It reminded me of what I loved about being a house parent: teens, cooking, hanging, and a lot of reasons to make dessert. It also reminded me of the challenges of house parenting: teens, cooking, being always with my husband but never together, and weight gain. The kids have really had a blast and will be very sad to head home. That has been a highlight as well- just watching them enjoy the girls and the girls enjoy the kids. It will be nice to be home tomorrow. 

3. Today at the library, Isaac started chatting with a little boy who looked close to his age.

Isaac: Hi. I'm Isaac.

Random kid: Hi.

Isaac: Do you have a Wii?

Random kid: Yeah.

Isaac: What games do you have?

Random kid: We have a wrestling game.

Isaac: That's awesome. 

Random kid: Yeah, pretty much.

(random kid walks away)

Isaac (turning and yelling to Drew): He has a Wii and he has a wrestling game!

Drew (giving me more grey hair as he yells back across the library): That's awesome! 

Boys. God love 'em.

4. There is a new Donut Professor location- CLOSER to me!!!!! Wh-what???? Oh yeah. I haven't been yet due to schedule complications and car sharing (have I mentioned we are a one car family for awhile?) Unfortunately, "Check out new Donut Professor" is always at the end of the list. Conversations like this...

Me: I need to the car tomorrow. Hitting the new Donut Professor.

Guy-who-shall-remain-nameless-who-I-also-share-the-car-with: I also need the car, for that job I have that supports your donut habit. 

Me: Good call. 

Oh but one of these days the stars will align and we will scope out the new locale.

5. I dig The Script. They are my new jam. Right now this song is playing in the background, blaring from our Kindle Fire (have I mentioned how amazing the sound quality is from that little contraption of awesomeness? woah.)

Yep, it's my jam. I'm not ashamed of that. This is a new, hip, math-inclined, 31-year old that you  are hearing from.  People change, what can I say?

In other news, a new Chick-fil-a is scheduled to be built just a few miles from my humble abode. Which means that the 31st year of my life will also be the year that I ...

What more can I say?

In other other news, I am plugging away on the book but progress is slow. I am faced with a harsh reality: writing a book is hard work. Darn. Kind of like scrapbooking and playing the piano and dusting bedrooms and all the other things that I have attempted but given up on. Still, I'm not giving up on this one without a fight. Like this...

Me: I got your number, Book. Oh that's right....don't think I'm giving up on you.

Book: Wouldn't you rather just drink a Dr. Pepper and watch You've Got Mail again?

Me: No...well...maybe just tonight. But tomorrow night- it is on!

Book: You are so predictable. And pathetic. 

Yes, that is how it feels most some days. But you know what they say, "Faint heart never finished fair manuscript." Or something like that. Some days nothing decent comes out, and some days I spend an hour writing to delete it all and feel certain of a different direction. But every once in awhile I write something that says something I meant to say in a way that I meant to say it and it is refreshing. In fact, one good paragraph can fuel weeks of failed attempts. I've been riding this paragraph for awhile.

Courage: the missing link in the evolution of my mom’s character. She lacked the courage to be herself at dinner and the courage to do the right thing when everything was at stake.  All these months I had been seeing it wrong; she wasn't the Tin Man, she was the Cowardly Lion. She had a heart, somewhere deep inside (though it didn’t seem to impact her decisions much). Still it was there- she could be hurt  and scared  and lonely. But she could not be authentic, for she did not have the courage. 

Not sure it will carry me much longer so hope to have some productive writing time soon.

Well, happy weekend to you! It is now officially Saturday. Hope your Friday was great and your Saturday is greater. 

Over and out. 

nanowrimo pitchapalooza

Of the gazillion entries for Pitchapalooza, I was not selected as one of the 25 entries to be judged and voted on. But you can go here to read the ones who were. And don't forget to vote! I am hoping to find time to read and vote tonight. 

Who did you vote for?

Hope your Monday is going well. =)