8/31/07

Left Behind

We all remember that classic scene in Little Women when Beth is dying and she says, in reference to her sisters all moving on, "I don't like being left behind...now I am the one going ahead." Well, I've been resonating with Beth lately in that sentiment. No- I am not dying, but I do feel as though I am settling in to the reality of being left behind. Let me explain.

My whole life, up to college, I was on the move. One year here, nine months there, always a move coming in the near future. My senior year of high school we moved for the tenth time (I think- I've lost count). Needless to say, I'm used to good-byes, new places, and moving on. Its not easy, but it is familiar.

This phase of life right now is unchartered territory. I've lived in Omaha for 7 years, lived in this house for 4. And now I'm watching everyone else in my life come and go. Most of my college friends have moved on. Our boys at the house come and go regularly. Even our assistant house parents tend to stay awhile and then journey on. But we are still here. Its a funny feeling to be left behind. In fact- it stinks.

At least when you do the moving the friendship void is filled with new places and sights. But when you stay behind...the void is just kind of there. Now granted- there is always the possibility of meeting new friends where you are. But the reality is that unless someone is hanging out at Aldi, Walmart, or the sidelines of my husband's rugby game, there isn't a very strong chance that I will see them very often!

So there you have it. This post is a little depressing, and I don't mean it to be. I am not depressed. I have a wonderful husband, two fabulous sons, and some great family that I enjoy. Depressed...no! Lonely...definitely. But I am trusting that God can meet all my needs, even my need for female companionship =)

P.S. Kudos to those of you who read this far without pictures- you are the true blogaholics!

7 comments:

Tawnya said...

Call me a blogaholic I guess! I am praying for you Beck and am sorry I can't be there to run out to coffee with you. I think of you often and miss our times together as well!

Anonymous said...

Becky, I really appreciated this post. I visited the website after getting the prayer letter, and I so appreciate the way you write and the things you write about. And I don't shop often at Aldi or Walmart, and I certainly don't play rugby (can you imagine?), but I do want to offer my friendship or babysitting services- whichever you need! :o)
Amy Schafer

rachel said...

I've always admired your ability to throw yourself in new situations and adapt, even if I was in the group of the left behind! And yet I can so relate to your thoughts, especially as it relates to having friends. My recent past has certainly had its share of times where I have felt very friendless, at least in terms of friends that I saw face to face and not through a computer screen! It seems like such a simple concept, having friends. Maybe because when you're a kid, it seems like you never really have to make friends, it just sort of happens during recess and passing notes about this and that. Anyway, since I'm running the risk of rambling, I'll just state the simple - I pr that through whatever situation He sees fit to bring new relationships into your life that will be a blessing to you. Until then, hang in there; your Father won't give stones to you when you need bread. :)

thanks for being honest! I've found that's at least half the battle!

rachel said...

oh...and, what's Aldi?

Anonymous said...

Well, I've pondered your blog for days now. The thought struck me that no matter whether you are 26 or 50 friendships are few and far between. I do know that ministry comes with it's own price of aloneness and discretion. I find myself in the same boat you are in Becky, except that my children are grown and have a life of their own. I remember when I was home with them every day. When someone would ask me what I did today it was usually as mundane as washing diapers (I didn't have disposables at first) or cleaning the house, napping the girls or planning dinner. It didn't sound like alot but it took all day to do it. Now that I am not working and as I wait for God's next assignment I don't have children to preoccupy my time. We have just moved to a new part of Denver and I am not involved in ministry for the first time in 25 years. Things are pretty calm to say the least. I also can identify with your feelings and appreciate your comment about knowing your loving Father and looking for His fingerprint on your life. Keep your chin up. Enjoy your boys! (they grow up so fast) I will pray for you as I pray for myself that God will bring a good friend into your life that will fulfill the need that He places within each of us for companionship of the female persuasion. May you continue to be open to new friends, new experiances, and new fellowship. Lean on Jesus the author and finisher of not only your faith but also your life.
Hope I'm not intruding on a friend of my daughters.
Cindy Marsh

Shelbie said...

I just wrote you a long comment that automatically erased--how nice. Basically it went like this, in a less wordy version:
I do always read....however, I love the pics of my only nephews!
I'll be praying for female comfort and companionship for you! Although a distant sister-in-law is not the same as a close friend, I feel like we get to be new friends everytime we get to spend together. With that said, I'm looking forward to the next time we get to see you guys (hopefully soon!) I know it's not in our past practices, but I am only a phone call away. I have LOTS of "mom questions" to get your expert opinion and experience on. I hope you are encouraged daily as the Lord reminds you of His provisions for you and the women you do have in your life.

Anonymous said...

Hi Honey,
I read your last entry and thought - you will never be alone -perhaps lonely for a time as your growing family develops and your life changes. You are a bueatiful, smart, strong and loving Christian woman - and you are interested in many activities that will bring you new friendships. It's normal to go through a little "down time" after having a baby and in-corporating that new son into your daily life. Your true friends will always be there and know that new friends are around every corner. Make time for YOU to do something you enjoy and explore for yourself. I wish I was closer - I'd love to do things with you :-)
Love, Leslie