5/30/09

change for a five...?

Just went in to put Drew to bed. As is usual, Isaac was still awake although he had been put to bed an hour earlier. So I scurried Drew up to bed trying not to stir Isaac too much. When I turned my back on Drew to kiss Isaac, Drew simultaneously changed the radio station and volume- pumping that song from Shrek "Hey now you're an all star...all that glitters is gold". Anyways, our quiet good night quickly turned into a dance party, with Drew showing off his latest pop-n-lock moves he is learning from watching "So You Think You Can Dance." (who says TV isn't educational?) I left the room smiling and shaking me head, thinking "What a fun, exhausting age." Not sure if I meant them or me.

I ventured out to Walmart for a quick errand this afternoon. It was my first walmart attempt since the c-section, which I remembered vaguely being very traumatic when first tried after my first c-section. As I was pulling into the parking lot, I realized that Saturday afternoon was not the time to attempt this, as I was going to have to park way out, and I would never make it round trip from car to store. There was a space open right by the front and the car ahead of me was waiting to pull into it. I rolled down my window and screamed, "Can I have that space? I just had c-section!" Actually I didn't do that, I just imagined myself doing it and laughed. All I can say in summary of the walmart trip...ouch. Pretty sore from the whole thing.

But I digress. When I titled this post, I was setting out to talk about some changes that are coming this way for our family of five. Please forgive me in advance for being vague, but I don't know if I'm really able to articulate all the how's and why's behind these decisions. (that's not to say that I don't know the how's and why's, just not sure how to summarize it all in a paragraph...or how much I should really post about it on the internet!)

In the beginning of May, we made the decision to transition out of our job as house parents, effective July 1. Since that time, Garret has been offered a different position within our organization to manage the current homes and oversee expansion and development. He is really excited about continuing to develop the homes ministry and support house parents. The timing of the position is based on some different funding issues being resolved, so as of now we are unsure when the new job will start.

So we are looking for a new place to live. Unsure of exactly when the new position will start. Hoping to take some time to just relax and regroup a little.

I know that it is the right decision for our family. We've been in this home for almost 6 years, and have really given it all we've got...and then some. I know that my kids just need more from me than I can give them here. I know that we weren't going to do this forever and saw it as a season. I know it's time for us to go. All of that doesn't negate the fact that though it is right, in some ways it feels wrong- to leave this house, to walk away from ministry, to leave so suddenly, to uproot our family with a new baby and little idea of where we'll live next. I have lived in this house longer than I've ever lived anywhere else...kind of crazy.

Change is a funny thing because it can be both energizing and draining all at once.

The other change that is upon us, I hesitate to even mention it because it still feels really fresh, is the decision to leave the church we have been at for five years. That, too, is a strange transition because it isn't springing out of bitterness or disagreement, just a decision to pursue the kingdom in a different way. Since last fall we have been involved with a house church and feel that we want to pour all of ourselves into that body. We recently decided to take that step this summer and attend the house church only. Again- it feels right...but so strange.

So in one summer, we had a baby, and will change jobs, houses, and church. As if postpartum doesn't give you enough to cry about, there's all that in the mix bringing tears of confusion and faith to the surface.

I've thought a lot lately about Sarah in the Bible. I imagine her following Abraham around, as he "obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going." (heb. 11) I think of the moral courage and the quiet spirit it would take to follow Abe joyfully, though the destination and timing was totally unknown. I'm trying to have that approach, living in the reality that my husband is seeking to obey God and I will joyfully follow wherever that takes us. I don't need details or timetables (though they would be appreciated!!!), I have the confidence and provision of Christ, which is more than enough.

So that's it. What else can I say, really? I know I need to add pictures, especially since Ella is 3 weeks today and probably hasn't had a pic snapped in days. The boys' hair is buzzed in their typical summer look. My ankles returned a few days ago, which is trivial but strangely comforting. Isaac now tells knock-knock jokes. Drew is noticing the anatomical differences between Ella and her brothers. All of these things to blog about when I get time. So check back in a few- and I promise to post something lighter =)

63 comments:

Tawnya said...

Becky, you amaze me, though I know you'd agree it's the Lord in and through you that I'm seeing. I see strength, even though you feel weak and depleted right now. Thank you for sharing....we have been and will continue to pray for the Swanberg 5 and all that is in transition right now for you guys.

Lucy said...

Whoa Swanbergs! You all are continually in our prayers! We know that change (obedience) is often hard but ALWAYS worth it! We love you all so much!

PS
Did you all get your package??

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