6/7/09

thoughts on sunday night

Sunday evening and kids are down (well- two down, one to go. Ella will eat one more time before her night's sleep begins). I'm sitting at the computer, rocking her infant seat with one leg as I type. Funny how the ability to multi-task grows with each child. =)

I'm feeling reflective tonight; this is a good sign. I find that reflectiveness is a sign that I have a) achieved healthy sleep, b) am thinking about something other than the next meal, and c) have some level of soul stirring present. It's comforting actually, as I feel that it's been so long since I really wanted to write, to say something other than "here's what we're up to." So the fact that I'm having thoughts and reflections gives me hope that maybe it won't be months until I feel like me again. In fact- I'm feeling very like me tonight.

And the topic on my mind is this: change. So much change coming at our little family all at once. I feel like at first it was this fresh breeze that stirred, refreshing us with hope. And then it picked up and now I just want to board up the windows and hide my kids from this hurricane that is charging our way, threatening to tear everything apart.

I guess its times like this that reveal what it is you are clinging to. As one by one things blow away, I realize that I have found a lot of security in our job, our home, our routines and schedules. Six years of being here and I have settled in. So it feels like now we're standing out in the open, with all the normalcies of our life starting to shake and pull away. Maybe this is what the foolish man felt as his castle on the sand washed out with the rain.

But all is not lost. I know that this too shall pass, and we'll settle in somewhere else. Still finding a lot of encouragement from the lives of Abraham and Sarah, who followed the voice of God blindly in radical ways.


"It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith--for he was like a foreigner, living in a tent. And so did Isaac and Jacob, to whom God gave the same promise. Abraham did this because he was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God." hebrews 11:8-10- NLT

Even when Abraham reached his destination, even when he had "arrived", he still continued to live by faith. There's a worthy goal- don't you think?

Ella's raspy little breathing next to me reminds that the hurricane of change can be good. It will clean things out and shift some of the dust that has built up over the past six years. And when it has blown over, hopefully we will be better for the wear and ready to serve Jesus in new ways.

So here's to embracing change with grace, to watching the tide wash away my sand castle and waving good-bye instead of trying to rescue the remnants. Here's to packing with a whistle instead of a groan. Here's to seeing the summer of no house as an imitation of Abraham instead of the curse of Job. Here's to laughter in the midst of heartache, being sorrowful but always rejoicing.

And here's to you- fellow journeyer- and the ways that God is bringing change to sanctify you as well.

3 comments:

rachel said...

becks, glad you're feeling a little more normal. I usually joke that nursing so many kids sucked all my brain cells out of my body, but it appears that hasn't been the case with you! =) We have been and continue to remember you guys this summer - made even easier to remember as we go through our own transitions - that He will be your security and Rock. I'm sure there's much more in your heart than has been written in your blog, but He is so faithful to us in all the details of our lives! I've been so encouraged regarding His power to change my heart by this verse recently, and maybe it will be of some encouragement to you too:
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Rom 15:13)

Keri said...

I love it when you share your thoughts. This one about change is good for me. I often wonder about the future, living in two cultures, which country will we be in, can we ever get back to the other etc . . .
Let me know when you're up for getting together!

Tawnya said...

So glad you are feeling yourself...even if only for moments at a time:) I appreciated reading your thoughts and the way you're processing through change. It's a good encouragement for me as we enter another phase of change welcoming another one into our family.