I'm showered and ready. I should go get my kids from room time. But their little voices (yes- all three now play together in the boys' room as part of the recent "I am now a full-fledged grown-up" movement in Ella's life) are singing. And I just can't stop it.
Drew is singing an original song that features lyrics "We are going camping!" that basically repeat with varied melodies.
Isaac is singing parts of other songs in the background.
Ella is chanting...or maybe that is her just yelling directions about where to put the campfire. Camping is their favorite room time game.
Sometimes I think about what it is that makes me want to have more kids. Did I just think I would have more, so it's kind of just an expectation thing? Do I just feel like to be truly conservative (a label that few would put on our family, including me) one should have a herd of children? Is it just me being discontent with the present, always looking to the next thing?
But I do know this: the moments that I most long for more children are the moments when my kids are interracting in delight with one another. It is so beautiful. So dear. So very moving that it makes me shake my head and wonder what unique part kiddo #4 would bring to this conversation, session of freeze dance, or morning room time campout.
Ofcourse there is the reality that this room time session has no doubt emptied the toy box (but please, Lord, not the dresser!) and filled the floor and bed with things that will need to be dealt with. I know that more kids would be more work, would push back those dreams of grocery shopping in peace, travelling Europe with my husband, writing something of length and coherence.
And the natives have emerged. Ella smells dirty. Isaac is lamenting being abused by his little sister. So I must go.
I am confident God knows my heart and will provide for my wishes or adjust them accordingly. That is a good place to be.