thoughts from the postpartum fog

It's Sunday night. 

The good news: Today our sweet and sleepy Tessa is one week old!

The bad news: She grows less sleepy and will soon be a regular baby who will have to be coaxed to sleep.

More good news: Garrett took the last week off of work so that he could be with me in the hospital, help the kiddos transition home, and then take care of them for a few days as I recoup.

More bad news: He returns to work tomorrow. <sigh>

I am vacillating between discouragement and slightly hopeful as I look ahead to a week where the pace picks up and the percocet runs dry. I wouldn't say I have the "baby blues" (as some describe postpartum depression), but I would definitely agree that there are some "grey" moments here and there. Breastfeeding is always a little trickier (and more painful) than I recall. Recovering from a c-section is a slow process. And life around pushes ahead at full speed. So here we go.

Here are some shots of life around here...

This is the only picture of the kiddos together that I have managed so far. I know...not so hot. It is very tricky to get all four to even sit still, let alone smile. Working on that this week...

This is a common scene around here- Isaac stopping to kiss, chat, rock, or just look at the baby. He really is so sweet with her and often says, "I very like our baby!" Consequently, he is having a hard time remembering her name. The first few days he called her "PJ". Then, after watching the movie Madagascar, he told our neighbor that the baby was named "Fossa" (type of animal in the movie). Yesterday Isaac was rocking Tessa while she slept and then called out, "What's the baby's name again?" It will stick eventually =)

Nothing like a new baby to make your other kids seem all grown up. It's hard to believe that there is only two years between this...

and this...

This picture pretty much sums up Tessa's personality so far: sleepy. I wake her for almost every feeding, even in the night! I know that the next week will change that but she sure is a snoozer right now.

And just a few other favorite pictures...

And last but not least...

7 Signs you might be one week postpartum:

1- Your 4 year old keeps asking to use the breast pump because he is fairly sure there is milk to be pumped from his belly button.

2.  After lots of quality time with dad, directions like "Come on kids, let's go." have been replaced with "Avengers, assemble!" (This is due to the shared appreciation of the superhero cartoon, The Avengers. Even Ella is now a fan, her personal fav being The Hulk. "Hulk smash bad guys in the face!" she says enthusiastically. Sheesh.)

3. You think three hours of continuous sleep is insanely refreshing.

4. The question is not "What time is it?" but "How long until the baby eats again?"

5. When your kid stubs a toe, you ask them to rate their pain on a scale from 1 to 10. (Seriously, hospitals are really into that nowadays.)

6. Showering feels like an accomplishment.

7. You son asks if there is a new baby growing in your stomach. No? he says surprised.

Guess that's all for tonight. I feel so of touch with lots of folks but I know it's just one of those times. Thanks for all the prayers for the safe delivery and our transition home.

Good night.


Victoria said...

Tessa has the sweetest face! I think postpartum is a weird time for on-lookers too...we don't really know how much we should be bugging you. But I'm sad I've already forgotten how isolating child-birth recovery can be. I think about you every day, Beck. Praying that you'll be full of grace and peace as you handle the troops while Garrett goes back to work.

Jenni said...

Best post ever! Could have written it myself. Prayers coming your way as you transition to "normal" life.
PS - Adorable pictures!!!!

Teresa said...

I love looking at that sweet little sleepy face!

Tawnya said...

Oh Becky - I hear you loud and clear on the post-partum stuff! Some grey days for sure, but I'll pray for you as you manage and love on four little avengers:) Tessa sure has the Swanberg look, but the lightest hair! So pretty! And yes....we've just left the sleepy stage and entered the "I actually have opinions about how, where and when I'd like to sleep, thank you very much". :)

Riss said...

I can totally relate to your postpartum list...even to other kids asking if there is another baby in there! I had a section as well and it is a huge accomplishment to have a shower...and the percocet is almost too helpful at making life feel easier. I hope you can enjoy the warm and fuzzy foggy roller coaster time you're in. I started feeling better about 9 weeks after the surgery...great post!