when the coming school year taunts you

Hey there, friends. And sisters of friends. And people I don't know but feel like I do because we are both on here every once in awhile. Sorry its been awhile, but it has. It just has. And here we are.

So...how about those Huskers, huh? 

<crickets chirping>

OK, not my best opener. But I'm here, sitting in the pitch dark and waiting for my little people to drift off to sleep. Tonight was the open house for our homeschool community and I came home somehow energized and exhausted. Energized by the people, the nervous kids, the fresh curriculum. Exhausted by the reality of it coming so soon.

I don't know about you, but I have a yearly rhythm of setting big goals for each season. Thinks like...

"This fall we're going to purge the basement."

"This Christmas we're going to do all these advent activities."

"This spring we're getting serious about spring cleaning."

And the infamous...

"This summer I am going to buckle down and get ready for our school year."

But something happens, what it is I'm not sure. Its probably the same things that kept me from getting to all those other things around the year: laundry, dishes, a manuscript that I desperately want to work on, four road trips, time with friends, evenings of exhaustion when goals are scratched and rest embraced. 

Why is it that something in me constantly cheers, "This is the year we will get our act together!" That voice is truly an eternal optimist; that voice is also slightly delusional.

I was gone for the weekend and returned home late Sunday night. Our tutor meeting was early Monday morning, so I had about eight hours home to sleep, prepare, and then have us all ready to leave early in the morning. When talking about this reality on the way home from the airport, talking about how my lesson plans were severely lacking and I was sure to be discovered as the slacker that I am and publicly declared the weakest link, Garrett said, "So you pulling an all-nighter?"

To that I replied, "Nope. I'm pulling a 'this is really me and I don't have it together'."

"Wow...that's growth." he remarked.

Is it? Maybe it is. But the growth I want is not to be more honest with my shortcomings. The growth I'm hoping for is to conquer those shortcomings! But why? So other people can feel theirs more acutely? To set some sort of standard that I, for years, have not met? To appease the crazy voice that is still pulling for me to have it all together?

So here I am. Curriculum is here but not read. Supplies are piled up but not organized. Plans are brewing but not...planned. A few days from starting and I still would rather do anything but plan. I want to rewrite the first chapter of my book that came to me while sitting in the airport. I want to read Wrecked. And the sequel to City of Ember.  I want to paint my kitchen green, reorganize the kids rooms, bake pumpkin muffins and eat them hot from the oven. 

But that's OK. Sometimes love is holding out your hands to catch vomit, and sometimes its lesson planning when you're not really feelin' it. I think I can accept that and move on. 

So that's where we're at around here. Whatever the school year brings for you, I hope you can step up to the plate with courage and hit it out of the park. 


Teresa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Teresa said...

Take Two ...

Did you know that every night a truck pulls up to H&H bagels and pumps about a ton of flour into the ground? The air is amazing!

And so are you!

I love New York in the fall, it makes me want to sharpen things like new pencils.

Your Faithful Follower,
The Tutor

Becky said...

So EXCITED for you guys to be part of our CC community. Seriously! Good to see you tonight. =)

rachel carollo said...

hey becks!

Ok, so I don't want to pressure you into being something you're not, or planning to the degree that everyone stands in awe of your amazing skills, so don't hear this as that! BUT - and I'm sure you already know this - but there are so many really great ideas on pinterest. I think I planned the majority of next year based on pinterest - so judge me however you want, but there's the truth! =) Anyway, I have a board of cycle 1 pins, or you can just search around on there if you want something fun. My pinterest name is the same as my FB name. Godspeed to you, friend. I love your analogy of love reaching to catch the vomit OR to be doing lesson plans when you don't want to be doing it. A hearty amen to that. Love and learning to you!