1/15/13

when you decide to go for it...again...and again...and again

There's a moment that comes at the end of a resolution. A moment of clarity, of power, of change. It's that crystal second when you've decided that you ARE going to lose weight or embrace forgiveness or be a patient mama or respond in grace or seek first to understand or write a book. 

In that moment you are strong. You are bold. You are new.

And then real life comes. The baby is still waking so early and your friend still teases just a hair too personally and the potato chips still taste better than carrot sticks and you still have no desire to work out and you still aren't being noticed like you thought you might.

The bad news: just because you decided yesterday to go for it, today's reality is still the same.

The good news: remember that feeling of freedom that came in taking the first steps to living out what really matters? You get to feel that again today. If you go for it again today. 

I've been thinking lately that the decision to go for it has to be made every day. In my head it sounds kind of like this...

Today I'm looking past the state of my house and choosing joy, purpose, value. My worth is not affected by the [depressing] state of my laundry room. I'm looking to Jesus and smiling in the mirror. I'm gonna go for it.

Today I will shut out the world and teach my kids the things that matter. Let workbooks gather dust- we're talking about Jesus. Let lesson plans become a coaster for this mug of coffee- we're leaving subjects when there are chances to talk about heart things. Let fear wander away and dishes gather in the sink and laundry wait patiently- there are little souls that need full attention, and today- I'm gonna go for it. 

Today, even though I feel afraid of my own ambition, even though a small but mighty voice in my head says that this whole thing is a waste of time, today there is a book that is growing in me and asking to be written. And today- though it makes no sense and I'm so sure it won't work- today, I'm gonna go for it. 

I don't know why we have to decide so often, why a firm resolution on Monday can't sail us through Friday. Maybe it's my own fickle temperament. Maybe it's the lies that hover and linger in the background of my world. Or maybe it's just our fallen state that must constantly be reminded of what the good things we want really are. 

Want community? Go for it.

Want to change your marriage? Go for it.

Want to pray for those you love? Go for it.

Want to be a friend who is focused, attentive, in the moment? Go for it.

Want to be something other than what you have become? Want to find joy in your everyday, non-pinterest, real life, state of things? Go for it.

Want to change the world with your courageous compassion, love for the poor, burden for justice? Please, oh please, go for it. 

And however it turns out today, whether people stand and applaud or laugh or (perhaps worst of all) don't even notice, wake up tomorrow and go for it again. 

Because your life is nothing but a long string of 'todays'. So let tomorrow marinade in hope, while today gets the best of your choices. And if today, you decide to go for it, know that good things are usually hard things.

But if the price is worth it, if the time is now, if there is more than the you that you have been giving, I'd say that's a sign you should go for it. 



1 comment:

Christy said...

wow, I can't believe you didn't have any other comments on this post! It resonated with my soul. Thanks for sharing these thoughts! I need to remind myself of this over and over...and over again.