I've had a hunch for a few weeks that I was not myself. A lot of it was preparing for practicum, feeling the press of that deadline and struggling to find time with the realities of life to really prepare. But I knew it was more than that. It was a longing for other and an exhale at the idea of more dishes and a wondering if I can really do this for decades to come.
And so I decided to quiet out. For the month of July, I'm turning off facebook, deleting the blog reader app on my phone, letting the laptop be a simple machine instead of a gateway to a thousand voices that are competing for prominence in my head. I need to sit and think. I need to listen and remember. I need to quiet my heart, and it's hard to quiet your heart when your head is full of noise.
I keep finding myself backing out a little, muttering, "But, of course I can still blog..." I could. I'm free to. But I know I need to step out of this little space, too. I need those long moments to look at my life- not so I can write about them, so I can embrace them and make sense of them and step back in.
Everything in me is leaning towards this, wanting it, ready to slow all the way down, from the pace of my thoughts to the rhythms of my day.
And so I'm wishing you a lovely July- full of lightning bugs and melting ice cream cones and the smell of sweat-salty kids coming in for lunch.
I hope your July is what you need it to be, and that we can meet up in August with a renewed sense of who we are and what in the world we're doing and how, by God's grace, we can do it well.
See ya in August, friends.